He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
