Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
