If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
