I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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