Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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