he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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