From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
