Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize