Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
