did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
