i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize