I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
