hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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