talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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