I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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