Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
