She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
