she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
