Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
