We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
