its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize