wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
