When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
