Christians are straight up FREAKS
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
