walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
