I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
