Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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