Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
