I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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