quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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