Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
