Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
