Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
