Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
