is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
