I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
