Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
