You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
