I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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