My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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