Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
