im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's always time for handjobs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
