Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
