FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
