then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
