I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't notice because vodka
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
