Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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