Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
