Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers

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(207): View more from Maine

I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.

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(647): View more from Ontario

on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..

(1-647): View more from Ontario

who won?

(647): View more from Ontario

THAT is your concern right now?

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(416): View more from Toronto

The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Just look for the house with the beer knights.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Get you some cowboy.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.

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(815): View more from Illinois

The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..

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