I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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