no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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