There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
