I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drake has all the answers
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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