This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When did angry sex become our thing?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
