my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
