Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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