: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
