i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
