I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My feet surprised me
Randomize