Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
