She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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