Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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