Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
