I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
