Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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