dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
