my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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