I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize