DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
