Who wears a wallet chain?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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