why didn't you poke me back
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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