it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize