ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
