Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize