Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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