you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
