Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
time to smoke my breakfast
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
