maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
