I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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