the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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