Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
