My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
