Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
