Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
