so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
