She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's get the cat blown out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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