I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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