dude i'm inner monologue high
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
