when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
