when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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