Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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