Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
