she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize