I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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