Well apparently he's into motor boating.
"it" just moved
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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