Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
