i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize