Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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