i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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