I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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