How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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