Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
