what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sex in a hospital.. check
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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