he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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