Apparently you make a good broom.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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