So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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