I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
