Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
