I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
