i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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