i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
