my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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