stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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