wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
