The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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