Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
