We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
