I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
