I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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