you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize