I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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