I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize