He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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