Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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