We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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