Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
